HSP Diaries- Never Again.

I went to my family doctor on Wednesday to see what my options were for managing my sensitivity related stress.

He kind of knew what I was talking about

But he was running behind, so the appointment was rushed. 

He decided that I needed Paroxetine, a kind of Paxil, to take the edge off

I wasn't fond of that idea. But he assured me it was a low dose and that if I didn't take something, I could become severely depressed. 

He also prescribed me a very low dose of Xanax, which I told him I certainly wasn't comfortable taking

He said, "See you in two weeks."

Yesterday I took my first dose of Paroxetine in the morning. 

"One pill, every morning."

Two hours later, the door to Hell was opened

And I still haven't left.

Two hours after swallowing the tiny white oval, my world didn't matter. Nothing mattered. 

Time had no meaning.

There was no sadness.

Or anger.

Or happiness.

An intense feeling of "this is not right, something is definitely wrong", but feeling completely helpless about it.

And can we talk about how light headed I was? 

Grab onto something quick because you're going down! kind of light headed.

I had to work yesterday afternoon/evening and I couldn't even finish my shift. 

Actually, a lot of yesterday was a blur.

I was exhausted. SO exhausted.

But I haven't slept.

I tossed and turned all night. Only getting 3 hours of sleep. And I'm wide awake.

I have to be at work in 2.5 hours. I have absolutely no clue how I'm going to make it through my shift.

My head is pounding. I'm exhausted. Every time I yawn, my hands feel as though they are cramping up.

My doctor will be getting a call today.

I was told my body has to get used to the the drug.

I don't want to get used to this feeling!

I don't want to not feel anything!

It makes no sense really, why I was prescribed the drug.

It's used to treat sever depression and anxiety (among other things).

Not for mild depression caused by severe stress. 

Never again.

I went from being hyper aware, to completely unaware of everything around me.

I have never taken any kind of antidepressant before, and will never again.

I thought this was something that there would be no natural solution for. But there has to be one better than this.

Be kind. Know your body. Ask questions. Do your research.