Another year has ended, another decade has passed. It’s hard to believe that 10 years ago I was only 10 years old. It seems like such a large gap between the ages of 10 and 20. There is so much growing and maturing between those years. 2010 has been a year of growing on an emotional sense. I feel like I have definitely been able to find more out about myself through the events of the past year. Spring brought someone into my life that took me on a crazy dangerous trip. I was left pretty battered and scarred emotionally from that. My body and mind shut down and sent me into a catatonic state for a few days during that period. I can honestly say I don’t remember those few days. It’s amazing that your body knows when to protect you from overwhelming emotional stresses by doing a sort of full body reboot. It took me a long time to get over that experience but I did eventually. The summer brought a summer fling and the fall brought a short lived mistake. It has come to my attention that I apparently fall for immature and/or unstable men. I think that on some subconscious level that may have reflected my state of being at the time.
I have had a lot of new people come into my life over the past year. I have also let go of some friendships that have just fallen apart over time. You can always tell who your true friends are when they pick you up and dress your wounds. There are people I am hoping to strengthen bonds with and hope to become good friends with. There are people who have entered my life this past year that I know are only in my life temporarily, then their role will be filled by another passerby. Strangers create a river through our lives, weaving in and out as we go along. But true friends are the rocks that stand by you always. And that is your Hallmark card for the day.
I truly feel that 2011 will be a big year for me, I will see that it is. Over the past few months I have been feeling the need to explore myself, new ideas, new places and new theories. I find that when it comes to certain things, I stop myself because they seem scary and unfamiliar...the usual reaction we have to new things. This year I want to do things I wouldn’t usually do, things that scare me. I want to travel, I want to see new places. I am going to try my hardest to make it to California this year to visit friends and family. I want to learn new things. I want to learn how to play the guitar and the piano. I want to learn about different religions, beliefs and practices. I want to find God/Spirit in some form, in any form, in every form. I want to find unity and balance in life. I want to find a purpose and a drive. I want to find love. I cannot stand the thought of getting a full time job and buying a house and just living out how everything is “suppose” to be. There is so much more to life, and I want to achieve it. I have come to accept that I have different ideas and beliefs that oppose what most friends and family think. For the longest time I was ashamed to talk about those kinds of things, but I’m at a point in my life when I need to explore them.
I hope that 2011 brings you all that you deserve. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others...especially now when the world needs nothing more that kindness and understanding.
So of course I leave you with a song, and of course it is Alanis. This song is one of what I call my “empowerment songs”. Whenever I am feeling down, or less than, or divided etc. I put in my head sets or turn up my car stereo and blast this song at full volume. No matter what our backgrounds, beliefs, etc., we are all Citizens Of The Planet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAReLtJ86tI
I start up in the north, I grow from special seed
I sprinkle it with sensibility
From French and Hungarian snow
I linger in the sprouting until my engine's full
Then I move across the sea
To European bliss, to language of poets
As I cut the cord of home, I kiss my mother's mother
Look to the horizon
Wide eyed, new ground
Humbled by my new surroundings
I am a citizen of the planet
My president is Kwan Yin
My frontier is on an airplane
My prisons, homes for rehabilitating
Then I fly back to my nest
I fly back with my nuclear
But everything is different
So I wait
My yearn for home is broadened
Patriotism expanded by callings from beyond
So I pack my things, nothing precious
All things sacred
I am a citizen of the planet
My laws are all of attraction
My punishments are consequences
Separating from source the original sin
I am a citizen of the planet
Democracy's kids are sovereign
Where the teachers are the sages
And pedestals fill with every parent
And so, the next few years are blurry
The next decade's a flurry of smells and tastes unknown
Threads sewn straight through this fabric
Through fields of every color, one culture to another
And I come alive and I get giddy
And I am taken and globally naturalized
I am a citizen of the planet
From simple roots through high vision
I am guarded by the angels
My body guides the direction I go in
I am a citizen of the planet
My favorite pastime edge stretching
Besotten with human condition
These ideals are borne from my deepest within
