Glad Tidings Of Comfort And Joy...and such...

Sweet Jesus it's mid December already. How the hell did that happen? It has been cold and blustery here in South Central PA, as it usually is this time of year. Just about every day for the past two weeks we've been having snow showers and flurries. I can't help but get a little giddy thinking about Christmas coming. Of course I can worry myself with how I am going to get my last minute shopping done (shit, I still need to get something for my mom!), or what I'm going to make for my family's gathering Christmas night (wouldn't you know that just about everything on the menu has meat in it!), but then I look at it this way...we worry enough as is. A lot of people get all grumpy and pissy around the holidays, especially in my family. I really don't understand.

After my aunt died in April of 2009, the holidays seemed to become somewhat of a burden for my family. My aunt was always the one to bring everyone together after spending hours upon hours in the kitchen preparing more food than 3 families combined could handle. After her passing we were left feeling a little lost, not knowing who could possible bring us together like that. All of the adults kind of made a deal that we would continue with tradition for the little kids in the family. Last year the holidays were really rough. My aunts absence was nearly unbearable. This Thanksgiving though, it felt somewhat like old times. Though we still grieve my aunt every single day, we know she would be furious with us if we just stopped tradition and stopped our lives.

I bitch and moan about my family a lot, I'll be the first to admit it. My close friends and even some of my cousins have told me that if it wasn't for my resemblance to my parents, they would swear I was adopted. I really am nothing like my family. Take a pretty average disfunctional, at times very narrow minded, conservative family and then throw me in....things can get ugly. But when it comes to the holidays, we all seem so put down our weapons and shields and come together. It makes me think of all of the people who don't have that option. Last night I read an article on homeless gay teens. I realized that I easily could have been kicked out of my house, but I wasn't. I easily could have run away, and at one point I really felt that was only one of two options, but I didn't. Families clash, people clash. That's what makes us who we are, our differences.

So here I sit in my room listening to Annie Lennox's "A Christmas Cornucopia" (seriously go buy this album...now!!!) and I can't help but smile a little at the slightly tacky Christmas "pine" garland draped over my book shelf, lights wrapped throughout. It's the little things that can lift the soul a little. I ask you to do this, for one moment, stop worrying about money and presents and work...look around you and take in the sights, the sounds. Be greatful that you have the opportunity to do that. Now, I'm not a religious person at all...but there really is something about Christmas...

What are your plans for the holidays?


LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SONG AND VIDEO!

I'm Alive!

"All the kids are going back to school
The summer is over, it's the golden rule
And now i"m coming out to play
So please don't stand in my way
And all the things that seemed once to be
So important to me, seem so trivial now
That I couldn't see..."
-"Shattered" by The Cranberries


Yes, as the title of this blog states...I am in fact alive. Not sure how many of you care...since I have no clue who reads this blog...but yes, I am alive. I kind of took a break from everything this summer (except working) and let whatever happen happen. My birthday came and went, a summer fling came and went, a concert came and went, as did tonsillitis... possibly resulting from the said concert. It was an unbearably humid summer in South Central Pa. I am more than happy to say that it is quite obvious that autumn is on it's way. The humidity is down, the breeze is cool, and the days are shorter. I love everything about fall. I know a lot of people say they don't like it because everything dies and the days are too short. I don't look at it as everything dies. I look at it as sort of natures art work. While the weather get's cooler, the trees turn into a sort of painting with warm, bright colors. Though I often voice my dislike for this area that I live in, I cannot deny that it is beautiful in the fall. If you have never taken a ride through the mountains in mid autumn, you are really missing out.

My nephew started second grade last week. I must say, though I'm now usually up by 7:30 in the morning due to household chaos, I love the quiet days. Don't get me wrong, I love my nephew dearly, but he's a mouthy seven year old. I think you can see where I'm going...everyone needs a break. I love the routine of the school year. By mid July I was already tired of the chaotic randomness and stresses of a bored seven year old...not to mention not being able to go to a store without 87 screaming kids running everywhere. I do love kids...honestly. Work at the coffee shop is becoming a steady pattern again as well. I know the certain hours I'll be busy, I know the regular customers that will come in, and I know I won't have to make tons of smoothies for stoned college kids.

Well, this was (as usual) quite the random blog post. I just felt like I should post something after being M.I.A for a few months.
So...how was your summer? Are you ready for fall?

oh yea...summer is fast approaching

Tomorrow is the first day of June. This means a few thing- 1)Tomorrow is Alanis' birthday! 2)Friday is my birthday! 3) It's hotter than the hinges of hell! One thing you can always count on in south central PA is summers that make are at times unbearably hot and humid. And everyone knows that Tommy does not respond well to high heat and humidity. I become very mean and pissy (just think of Roseanne in the later years). I wanted to blog a few weeks ago, but life has been quite crazy. I met a guy, we clicked, we hung out, he made me feel like I was a prince, and now he's gone. I come to find out that he likes to make a game out of younger guys. Luckily I have standards. I was really really hurt by this and basically shut down for a few days. I mean I friken Bella Swaned out. Not that he was in any way shape or form Edward...but i was blind sided. No worries though, I am back from the dead. The whole thing actually inspired me to write a piece that I am very proud of. I even had a "You Oughta Know" moment and posted it on facebook. It's still there...and no one has commented on it. I guess it makes people feel uncomfortable. Speaking of "You Oughta Know", did you watch American Idol? Me neither. But I did watch the Alanis performance, it was great! Except for that Crystal chick singing. My favorite show is about to end it's second season. I don't know how I will last the summer without the wonderful Jackie Peyton. Luckily I'm turning to Weeds. You heard me. I'm definitely late catching on, but thanks to On Demand I am now hooked on the show Weeds. It's funny, sad, disturbing....it's life. So friday is my birthday...and I can't help but get a little excited. I don't know why this always happens. My family hasn't really acknowledged my birthday for a few years now. Not since I came out. But even though there are no longer any problems, I guess they don't see the reason to pick up the celebration. Oh well, I'm just turning 20. I think I shall buy myself some vinyl. Maybe I'll finally order all of the Tegan and Sara albums on vinyl. Oh, it get's me giddy just thinking about it. On a random note...I'm wearing shorts for the first time in about 2 years...I feel like a slut...

i know, i know, i know

Wow, I can't believe how long it has been since i've updated this blog. Oops! So, what's new with me? Well this whole vegetarian thing is going pretty well. My family still gives me shit from time to time, but it doesn't bother me. Now that I no longer eat meat I have been introduced to new and exciting foods! Oh, and an interesting thing....if I do happen to eat meat....I get sick. Yeah, no lie. The meat tastes horrible too. The other week I was so hungry for chicken all day. I came home from work to find that my mother was fixing, you guessed it, chicken. So I decided I would have a small piece. HORRIBLE IDEA! The chicken was perfectly done, or at least the way I use to like it. But when I bit into it...it tasted raw. It was as if I just picked up a piece of raw chicken and sunk my teeth into it. And just the 2 or 3 bites I had made me so sick to my stomach. Now I can definitely say that I don't crave meat at all.

Oh! Some randomness! I got my labret pierced. That's the space between your chin and bottom lip. I had been thinking about it for a while but kept talking myself out of it. And watching youtube videos and googling all the horrible things that can go wrong doesn't help at all. But I finally did it. It actually didn't hurt. It happened so fast that before my brain could fully register "HOLY FUCKBALLS BATMAN, THERES A NEEDLE THROUGH MY LIP!" it was all done! Taking care of it for the first week wasn't as bad as I expected either. Basically all common sense stuff. The only problem I have is at work. My wonderful place of employment doesn't approve of facial piercings, so mine has to be covered with a band-aide. What is more disturbing...me serving you a latte with a tiny silver ball below my lip, or me serving you a latte with a bandage covering me chin? Oh and I can't really talk with the bandage on. Yea, I rest my case. It is also a HUGE confidence dropper. So many good looking guys come into the store, look at me, then run the other way. I've come close to just sticking my head in the coffee grinder....

Oooh, I would like to mention that I am seeing one of my favorite bands TWICE this summer. I will be seeing Kings of Leon on June 8th (4 days after my bday) and September 8th (8 days before my sisters bday). I'm really really excited! I was hoping to see Tegan and Sara on their U.S. tour but couldn't find anyone to go with me. I'm hoping to see a lot of concerts this summer. Natalie Merchant just released her first album with new material in 7 years. I checked her site to see if she would be touring...she is...and the concert closest to me is sold out. Rah. So next I'm hoping Melissa Etheridge will be touring for her new cd. And I really hope that the next time Sophie B. Hawkins comes around here that she plays at a place that isn't 21+. I know, I'm quite demanding. Bring on the "no wonder you're single" jokes. My good friend Hayley has yet to go to a concert, so this summer, come hell or high water, we are attending Lilith Fair in D.C. Tegan and Sara are suppose to play some shows, if they play the one in D.C. there is a good chance I'll totally geek out.

Well, I think this has been enough pointless ranting for one evening, eh? Till next time...

Insert witty title here....

I’m still alive! I have not died from starvation or coffee deprivation. After reading Alicia Silverstone’s book, I realized you don’t have to completely change the way you eat to be healthy. (I know, im like some genius, right?) But I’m what would be considered “flirting” with being vegetarian. I don’t make meat a huge part of my life (gay men around the world are laughing). I’ve never really been much of a carnivore, but now I am much more aware of the things I put into my body (keep laughing) and what they do to my body. I have not completely cut out coffee, but I don’t drink it everyday. In my last post I mentioned that I thought of directing this blog towards health and The Kind Life. Well, it turns out, The Kind Life is just kind of common sense and I personally don’t think I could make the blog very interesting. So you know what that means kids, more about my oh so fabulous boring life in a small town. Let’s catch up shall we?

I am definitely in the throws of (oh how badly I want to type passion) the winter blues. I keep telling myself that spring is right around the corner….son of a bitch it’s snowing again. Most of my friends are back at college now, excited for summer break. And as usual, that get’s me thinking about all of the things NOT going on in my life. I am still working at the little coffee shop, still not making enough money. I have been thinking a lot about what I need to do to get the ball rolling. The problem is, I’m not sure which direction to roll it. In this area, you either become a teacher, work in a factory, get into the medical field, or work on the army depot. Well, I don’t see really any of those happening. I have seriously thought of the medical field. My favorite show is Nurse Jackie (I know it’s fiction, but still…), my favorite blog is Pee and Sympathy (shout out!) and my cousin is an RN (don’t really know what else to say...yay Jaime!) All of these people do great things in nursing, help the sick, save lives, so much more! But I honestly don’t think I could handle it. There is so much put on the shoulders of nurses. Though it can’t be easy, nurses need to be able to disconnect in a way when they leave the hospital. My cousin for example, she leaves the emergency room and comes home to be a wife and mother of three. I truly wouldn’t be able to “disconnect”. When people ask me what I would love to do with my life, I tell them “Just….write”. I usually get some eye rolls and smirks. But it’s hard to start a career in writing. I am currently working on 3 different stories, I’m CONSTANTLY writing poems and songs. The problem with that is...besides my stories, what I write is usually really personal and I usually don’t let people see them. How can I get a writing career going when I’m afraid of people reading my stuff?!?! My best friend recently told me that I’m like a human sponge. People come to me with their problems and I sit and listen, then offer my care and support, and never show my emotions or judgement. Then she said something that startled me because I never realized it myself. She told me that the negative side to that is I carry everyones emotions and struggles with me. I never confess my own, but never let go of others. And that’s why I write. It finally hit me...THAT is why I write.

I truly believe that writers see and feel things on a different level. At least I’m hoping so or I must be really fucked up. I’m starting to think that the reason some songs can move me emotional so much is that, though I may not have experienced what the song is about, I understand the emotion it took to write it. I don’t know maybe I really am just a bit off. I just feel that (here I go with this feelings thing…) my emotions and my (here we go...drum roll please) feelings are directly connected to writing. I honestly cannot think of something I do that I am more connected to. Well, I could probably go on and on and on..but this post is too long as it is. I wonder if I even made a point of anything? Hmm...

Well...here we go!

The holidays are over! WOOT! This was probably the first and only year that I didn't care that the holidays flew by. And now we're almost finished with January! I'm definitely ready for spring. I need things to come back to life and be all nice and pretty and such. Here in south central PA, we have had probably the worst winter in years. The last time I remember winter being this bad was the year my nephew was born, and he just turned 7 this month. Yesterday was a small glimpse of spring, it got into the mid 50's but was accompanied by flooding rains.
So, I have been wanting to take this blog in a new interesting direction. The problem is that I had no clue where to take it. It is obvious and no secret that my life is not interesting enough to become an interesting blog. So..a little back story. As I'm sure you know Alanis Morissette is pretty much my own personal deity. A month or so ago she posted on her website her praises Alicia Silverstone's book The Kind Diet. For quite some time I have been looking for some kind of cleansing diet. In a nutshell, I'm 19 years old and so tired of waking up in the mornings feeling exhausted and never getting that boost of energy no matter what. I have been wanting to turn to a more organic, natural diet. Every kind of organic diet or body cleansing that I have stumbled across have seemed a little scary to me. How does your body not shut down after a day or two? Isn't food kind of a necessity? Well I did a little research on The Kind Diet via Alicia's website www.thekindlife.com and very much liked what I was reading. What the Kind Diet does is simply take out all things harmful to your body..common sense right? Essentially it isn't really a diet, or at least what our society now considers a diet. There is no calorie counting..no fasting...simply eating things you really should be eating in the first place. Another thing I really like is that Alicia isn't putting her beliefs and practices out there saying "this is what is right, it works for me so it is the best thing to do". This book was written with the help of medical experts and health specialists. It also shows you how to live a healthy and eco-friendly life, which I have been wanting to do for some time now.
Now, for the things that will be hard for me. The Kind Diet suggests cutting out all meat and dairy products. This will no doubt be challenging. I think one of the reasons this will be so challenging is that I am still (unfortunately) living with my parents, sister and nephew. I will have to do all of this on my own, while everyone else goes about their regular eating habits. I will have to buy the groceries myself, which I have no problem with, but living in a house with others...I think you see where I'm going. The one thing that I am absolutely not looking forward to....no coffee. It is no secret that caffeine is not the best thing for your body. Some of you may know that my drug of choice is coffee. Hell, I work in a coffee shop! But I don't just drink coffee, the coffee I make probably has the same affect as crack. I have seen people all but throw themselves off of a bridge after drinking my coffee. And I'm not even sure if I want to totally give up coffee. I LOVE the taste of coffee. I literally cannot start my day without coffee. If I try to go without I get horrible headaches...mega mood swings...shaky...aka withdraw. I have been watching Celebrity Rehab to prep myself. I am expecting body aches, chills, seizures, and the occasional vomiting blood. I have Dr. Drew and an Exorcist on stand-by.
So..where am I going with all of this rambling? I will be blogging about my experiences..good and bad...with the Kind Diet. I ordered my copy from amazon last night, so I will probably be starting in a week or so. Am I saying this is turning into a "diet blog"? Not at all. There will just be a better reason to write/read my blog. I'm hoping to get some more readers! I would greatly appreciate any feedback from my posts and would love to hear your experiences with healthy eating! Well...I have rambled on long enough. Till next time!