I’m still alive! I have not died from starvation or coffee deprivation. After reading Alicia Silverstone’s book, I realized you don’t have to completely change the way you eat to be healthy. (I know, im like some genius, right?) But I’m what would be considered “flirting” with being vegetarian. I don’t make meat a huge part of my life (gay men around the world are laughing). I’ve never really been much of a carnivore, but now I am much more aware of the things I put into my body (keep laughing) and what they do to my body. I have not completely cut out coffee, but I don’t drink it everyday. In my last post I mentioned that I thought of directing this blog towards health and The Kind Life. Well, it turns out, The Kind Life is just kind of common sense and I personally don’t think I could make the blog very interesting. So you know what that means kids, more about my oh so fabulous boring life in a small town. Let’s catch up shall we?
I am definitely in the throws of (oh how badly I want to type passion) the winter blues. I keep telling myself that spring is right around the corner….son of a bitch it’s snowing again. Most of my friends are back at college now, excited for summer break. And as usual, that get’s me thinking about all of the things NOT going on in my life. I am still working at the little coffee shop, still not making enough money. I have been thinking a lot about what I need to do to get the ball rolling. The problem is, I’m not sure which direction to roll it. In this area, you either become a teacher, work in a factory, get into the medical field, or work on the army depot. Well, I don’t see really any of those happening. I have seriously thought of the medical field. My favorite show is Nurse Jackie (I know it’s fiction, but still…), my favorite blog is Pee and Sympathy (shout out!) and my cousin is an RN (don’t really know what else to say...yay Jaime!) All of these people do great things in nursing, help the sick, save lives, so much more! But I honestly don’t think I could handle it. There is so much put on the shoulders of nurses. Though it can’t be easy, nurses need to be able to disconnect in a way when they leave the hospital. My cousin for example, she leaves the emergency room and comes home to be a wife and mother of three. I truly wouldn’t be able to “disconnect”. When people ask me what I would love to do with my life, I tell them “Just….write”. I usually get some eye rolls and smirks. But it’s hard to start a career in writing. I am currently working on 3 different stories, I’m CONSTANTLY writing poems and songs. The problem with that is...besides my stories, what I write is usually really personal and I usually don’t let people see them. How can I get a writing career going when I’m afraid of people reading my stuff?!?! My best friend recently told me that I’m like a human sponge. People come to me with their problems and I sit and listen, then offer my care and support, and never show my emotions or judgement. Then she said something that startled me because I never realized it myself. She told me that the negative side to that is I carry everyones emotions and struggles with me. I never confess my own, but never let go of others. And that’s why I write. It finally hit me...THAT is why I write.
I truly believe that writers see and feel things on a different level. At least I’m hoping so or I must be really fucked up. I’m starting to think that the reason some songs can move me emotional so much is that, though I may not have experienced what the song is about, I understand the emotion it took to write it. I don’t know maybe I really am just a bit off. I just feel that (here I go with this feelings thing…) my emotions and my (here we go...drum roll please) feelings are directly connected to writing. I honestly cannot think of something I do that I am more connected to. Well, I could probably go on and on and on..but this post is too long as it is. I wonder if I even made a point of anything? Hmm...
